Wednesday, March 18, 2009

its okay to cry

My fiancĂ© got a job that he wanted to take last year but didn’t because I asked him not to. This time however we needed to get a job. This job he was given is a camp job where he works out of town for two weeks at a time then he is back home for two weeks. Well he is leaving in two days and if you count what time it is its more like he is leaving tomorrow. Oh god I just thought about that now it sucks even more. Well I am broken up because we have never been apart for more then 2 days at the most and now its going to be 2 weeks. And to boot he doesn’t seem to care. I want him to go because he will enjoy it up there but I don’t want him to go because I don’t want to be alone. He is mad because I asked him to not take his computer that is one problem I can’t deal with when he is away. So I am getting the cold shoulder a little from him and he is leaving in a day. What am I going to do here alone for 2 weeks. I don’t even have any friends here or any where really. I am going to miss him and I don’t want him to forget about me. I don’t want him to think that he is better off alone. I would like to know that when he comes back that he is going to be happy to see me and want to be with me still. I want him to know that I love him. With all my heart, and I want him to know that this can work if we both work towards it.

I love you

Friday, December 5, 2008


One day I would like to have a job where I am treated as an equal. Every job I have had I have been looked down on because I am a woman. My first real cooking job I was told that I had to prove myself as a woman before I could move on in the company. Then my next cooking job I was told that women should not be aloud to work in a kitchen unless it is in the home. So when I became a manager I thought things would change but they didn’t. I was told I was not making a lot because I had never been a manager before. Lies. I had to train a new guy who just came in from off the street never cooked before ever they put him into management training because well he was a man I guess and he was making double the amount I was. And I went to school for cooking and had 6 years exp.

So I decided that cooking professionally is not for me and went for an office setting. Well here things are all the same. I am surrounded by ass head men who think that because they have a penis that there shit doesn’t stink. They also think that no man can really make a mistake. These men think they know everything and that women are only around to file make coffee and clean up. Well I am tired of it. I work hard 98% of the time I am here. I would work more if I wasn’t getting the shaft. As I may have said before I work with one other female and we are in a shop setting kind of.

We are the ones who have to take all the shit and abuse from all these big baby men. If they are not complaining about one thing they are fucking around until they find something to bitch about. These idiots who do nothing are making a killing here when we are here barely making ends meet. They may work with there hands but we work with our brains all day long and have to put up with all there bull shit all day long. But do you think we get anything for it. NO! We get a “you people” talking to when we do something wrong and get told we don’t know what we are doing.

There are days when I just want to go his office and shake him. Or make him feel the same way he makes us feel. To find out if he would put up with it if his daughter was being treated the same way. He needs the whole Christmas carol thing to happen to him. He is a scrooge and someone needs to give him a taste of his own medicine. I don’t mean in a bad way just to show him that there is no reason to treat someone like that in any kind of work setting.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Have you ever noticed that women get the shaft? And I don’t just mean in bed. And I also don’t mean in the good way. I mean in my city at least all the women I know that have a good job and are not in the government get paid a lot less then a man who does a lot less then that woman at the same level.

I personally work in a place where my janitor makes more money then me. And I work in the office. One of the guys here is in school getting government funding so he can go to school and still have some money makes half of his regular take home pay and he still makes more then me and he is three years younger. I wouldn’t care if they are younger or older its all on what you can do right. Well I want something to be done. And soon.

I went to school to be a chef when I came home and started towards that I had a chef at a very high end hotel tell me that he shouldn’t have hired me because I am a woman. And that if he was not in a pinch he would never have hired me at all. I moved on from there to a kitchen management (KM) position and I thought I was doing well for myself. I was the only female KM in the city and I thought I was making good money. That was until I found out at the third location I was moved to that I was the lowest paid KM in the city and that is still lower then the new hires they were getting the ones who didn’t know anything about the business but they were men. I finally got totally fed up when my general manager was hiring cooks to work for me at a higher wage then I was making. That crushed my sprit.

Now I am working in an office and there are people here who steal things, people who leave work for hours at a time, and those who just don’t do any work. I show up every day to work unless I am deathly ill I work my ass off and I still get less then a kid who takes at least one day off a week every week and fucks around all day when he is here. I can only talk about the jobs that I have worked at not all jobs but all the women that I know have had the same problems as I have had.

It gets to the point where I have to rely on a man to pay my rent. And I worry about bills because they are about $750 less then rent. And we are still broke every week. I don’t know how to change things but I would like things to change for women sooner rather then later.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Cat waxing!!

Yesterday I got to go home early before I had to pick Shane up from work. Sweet I thought I was going to be able to come home and relax. Nope. We are dog sitting and this dog who’s name is Max is so horny its not even funny. My parents have 4 dogs. Max has got the female pregnant three times now but he started when she was so young she hates him unless she is in heat. So Max can not be around her she will attack him and try to kill him. The first puppy they had is so jealous of max that he tries to kill him too. So to ease my parents every few weeks we take max and try to give him a little bit of freedom and time to roam around not being locked up all day. So I came home from work yesterday to find that Max couldn’t hold it and pooped on my carpet right where you fist step in the door. Well not when you fist step in I did have time to take my shoes off and step into the poop with fresh clean socks. Damn dog. If he wasn’t so cute I would have been mad. So before I could clean the poop off my sock and the floor the phone rings. Phone company. They didn’t receive my payment that I made two weeks ago. So I told them I made the payment gave them my reference number got that sorted out hung up and getting ready to clean up the now very stinky poop that max is now trying to eat. Phone rings again. Shane. We are not working until 8 any more. We are working until 7 so if you could come pick me up then that would be great. Fine. So I clean up the poop and threw away my sock because when I was on the phone he decided he had to pee too.

After all that was cleaned up and Max was sent out side I sat down and tried to watch some T.V. Now we have been having problems with our T.V. lately we have a bundle so everything is together and the T.V. is over our internet line. The box stopped working a month ago and it turned out we needed a new modem. So we got that changed and it has been fine since then. But when I want to watch something it doesn’t work. Bastard television box of shit. So I didn’t want to fuck with it so I went into the bedroom to watch some good old Simpsons. So before I went to watch the show I noticed that when we had a big fruit salad the night before for dessert we forgot to put the bowl away because were pigs like that. And my living room was full of fruit flies. I hate fruit flies so I got some of that sticky fly tape and put it in an old pop bottle on the table to catch the little bastards once and for all. Because you know they fly to fast to be vacuumed up. I have tried and I looked like a goof. (it was on the day that I stayed home sick and I wanted to clean up a bit but I swear the little buggers were everywhere and I couldn’t move fast enough. It was three in the afternoon and I was still in my PJ’s) Now we have three cats and our youngest one who is in heat (but max won’t go near her) decided that it looked like a cool new toy so she had to play with it. When we came home we found one of the pieces of tape on the couch and the other stuck to the back of my cats head. Being the mean mom that I am ( to my cats I have no babies yet) I yanked it off and gave her a bald spot. Its sad but very funny at the same time.
Now I started earlier that we are watching max and that he is super horny. This dog will hump anything he sees. I went to take the pop bottles out one day and walked threw the laundry room to find max in a corner with one of my fathers shirts all rolled up in a ball having his way with it. When he saw me he was scared and startled but didn’t skip a beat. He kept going until he was done. To this day my dad can’t have that shirt on with out max trying to mount him. Like I said before we have three cats. Two of them are female so I thought that max would be all over them. But he isn’t all he is interested in is my male cat who thinks he is the god father. This is real I tell you. When I lived at my parents house I had two of the cats there. With at the time three dogs. My cat was there when it was only max and our old female who wouldn’t do anything she was so timid. So Fez (shut up I love that 70’s show and it suits him well) was the king of the house and when the dogs would bother him he would take them to the top of our two step sunk in living room and literally put his arm around him and it looked like he was whispering in there ear. After that no one would bother him for a few weeks.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Times up for me!

Okay so its that time of month well its over now but it was not a good time. And since I had to make Shane’s week a bad one I want to discuss how I deal with the pain and the stress. I go out and buy a big bad of M&M’s some popcorn and lots to drink. Pop or water wise that is. Kick your man if you have one that lives with you out of the bed room make sure the lights are off and the curtains are drawn. Then find your favorite movie’s pop it into the dvd player and watch all of them all day or all night.

Now depending on my mood that makes my choice on the movie that I watch. If I am in a really bad mood I watch a scary movie not the new “scary movies” because they just are not the same. They are so fake and not really scary. I am into the based on true stories or the old school scary movies. These some how put me in a better mood because it shows me that life can be a lot worse. So in some strange way they cheer me up.

If am in a sappy mood I obviously put in a girly movie. Ones where there is a girl looking for true love everywhere and at the end she finds it in the one man she has known for years that has been her best friend. These make me cry and Shane thinks I am crazy. I have watched the movie ever after I think at leas 200 times. And I could tell you the movie word for word with out even thinking. Now that is crazy.

If you are not a movie person grab your favorite book and just get lost in there world. I must say that the shopaholic books are one of my favorites. Well anything by Sophie Konsella really. I think that’s how you spell her name.

And when it comes to going to bed and your man wants to come to bed as well tell him he can only come in if he rubs your back and feet and if he doesn’t want to do that he can sleep on the couch. Wow that is a long sentence. Okay well my time is up so I have another month to wait to do it again.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Shink Tube!!

I work with the funniest angry polish man ever. He is 57 and he has lived in Canada here for 20 years still can’t speak English. When I first met APM (angry polish man) I couldn’t understand a word he said. I thought he just came to Canada. I was wrong but I still couldn’t understand him. I started to speak broken English just so he would understand me. One day when I was only here for a month or two he came into the parts room and asked me for some shink tube. What the fuck. That’s all I could think.

APM: You got any shink tube?

Me: Pardon?

APM: Shink tube.

Me: Sorry what?


Me: I don’t understand you are you speaking English?

APM: Of course I speak English you no understand? Shink tube.

Me: Guess not. Okay shink tube. What the fuck.

APM: What the Fuck (remember polish much funnier then English) you no understand shink tube. Shink tube. Shink tube. What the hell you looking at?

Me: I think you need to learn English you damn polish man.

APM: (storming into the parts room) Fuckin shink tube don’t know what it is. Fuck. Yeah yeah I don’t speak English.

Me: Show me this shink tube shit your talking about.

APM: (walking over to a shelf) SHINK TUBE!!

Me: Oh SHRINK TUBE. You’re an idiot learn English!!

That was how we first started really talking to each other. Before that I was just afraid to talk to him because I tend to make an ass out of myself when I talk to someone who doesn’t speak English. Now it is a big joke every time he comes into work. Everyone here thinks we hate each other when the see us talking. He will come up to my desk and yell at me “What the Fuck, did you get my shit” or just call me cheap like borsch because I won’t give him bulk of what he wants. But I totally have a non sexual crush on this man. I would so go out for coffee just so I could hear the shit that comes out of his mouth. I now call him my shink tube.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

It could have only been worst if it rained.

It all started last night. I thought it was going to be a fun night at the sister-in-laws house for a BBQ. It started out fine we were drinking eating and having a fun time. Now I have always been well I think the best way to put it is I am not a people person. So one of Shane's sisters are alike on that and we don't like a lot of people. We started talking during dinner and couldn't stand some of the other people that were around and decided that we should go out back and have a smoke. This became a game for us when we don't want to be around other people we would say our code word to each other and go somewhere else. That wasn't bad when it got bad was when Shane told them we would spend the night. I don't know about all you other people but I can't stay at someone elses house. Not when I don't really know the person. I know them but not really well. I wouldn't not have slept I would have been up all night quietly freaking out in my mind. When I told Shane he got mad really mad I had told him earlier that I didn't want to spend the night and he was like oh come on please I didn't say anything and he assumed that I had folded. But I couldn't make myself sit up all night crying and trying to look like I was okay. I have never been able to stay at someone else's house that I don't really know in fact I couldn't do many sleep overs when I was a kid. So after I told him that I couldn't do it and he knew I wasn't going to fold he didn't talk to me after that. Thats when I knew that I was screwed for the rest of the night. I did however think that the worst was over. I thought today would be a clean slate and we would be normal and he would have forgotten about yesterday. NOPE!

I get out of bed this morning to find an angry man who had a hangover (although he would never admit to the hangover). We sat in silence for about an hour because I am tired of being the one he is pissed at so I didn't want to give him anything to be mad at me about. (this makes him sound like an ass all the time he isn't every day i must say that because he is not always this bad..) Then the one friend he has that hates everything about me called (and I mean he really hates me. He told Shane to leave me and find someone who is not as fat and isn't such a bitch) and wanted to take shane out and play paint ball. Now any other day I wouldn't care but we had to clean up A LOT. So he asked if I wouldn't mind if he goes and I said that we have lots to do around the house. That and he still has $100 owing for rent. So I didn't think that would be the best thing to do. Well that sent him into absolute quiet. I tried to joke around and play with him but he just sat there and bitched so i stopped talking to him again. Boy do I know how to ruin someone's day. So we were watching this show he gets up and doesn't say anything goes and starts to clean up. I figured that was my Que. so I went and was going to start cleaning the mess that is our room. Well the room beat me. I couldn't finish it. I don't know why but I see something that is a mess and I look at it after I started and I begin to think that there is to much to do and i can't finish. So I turn it back into a mess and clean off the bed to lay down and watch some tv.

Shane came in and we talked for like five minutes but that was it. I have been very emotional lately and don't know or care why to tell you the truth. So he went back out to do what ever it is he wanted to do. I fell asleep and when I woke up I thought we were all good. NOPE! I came out and he still won't talk to me. His fuck face friend told him that he wants to take him out next weekend so learning my lesson so I told him I am not going to say no to him any more. Well that gets me in shit too.. What do I need to do now. Just never talk to the man. How do I live like that. Fuck I don't even know if he still likes me.
UPDATE: It rained!!